THE DAY I DIED
It was November 7, 1986, a day that I would prefer to forget but likely never will. My chronicle of this day and its aftermath will seem unimaginable to many. It was the day death came calling, and I crossed over into the spiritual reality of our human existence. When I look back on this experience, I understand that it was a period of change for me, an essential lesson in the truth about our reality, and an education on why we are here. I knew almost nothing about these things you are about to read at the time they occurred.
It all began when, for some reason, I had stopped believing in the existence of the devil and disregarded the terrifying encounter I had as a child (documented in the section entitled, A Terrifying Memory.) I believe that this left me a vulnerable victim for what started on that November day.
I was not feeling well on that day, which was a bummer because I was very enthusiastic about going to a concert with friends that evening. As the day progressed, my condition worsened. This condition was something I had previously experienced, off and on, for many months. The symptoms included low energy, facial flushing, and high-temperature, and I frequently experienced them after dinner or a couple of drinks. I had also gained over thirty pounds during this time. I had gone to see my doctor about all of this on two separate occasions, but after several sets of tests, they found nothing wrong.
Despite all of this, I decided that the concert was just too good to pass up. So that evening, I met my friends at a restaurant before the show for dinner and drinks. Even though I was not hungry, I went ahead and ordered a Mexican dish and a beer anyway. The aftereffect of this combination made my stomach feel full and backed up.
We left the restaurant ad walked across the street to the concert hall and took our excellent seats just before the show started. The music and the performances were outstanding, and everyone was having a swell time, except for me. I was getting nauseous and sick to my stomach, and I tried to delay the inevitable but eventually had to leave the performance to go to the restroom to vomit. As I returned to my chair, I thought that there must have been something wrong with the Mexican food I ate. My illness proceeded to worsen throughout the evening, as I had to depart to the restroom several more times for relief by the time the concert ended. My friends all wanted to go out for drinks afterwards, but I had started to develop sharp abdominal pains and had to decline their invitation and drove home instead.
When I arrived back home forty minutes later, my abdominal pain had become severe. As I exited my car, I found that I could not stand upright due to the pain, but rather, I had to stoop forward at the waist to minimize it. My wife and I called our family doctor, and he recommended that I be taken to the hospital emergency room immediately. Ironically, the trip to the hospital brought me within a block or so of the concert hall I had left a couple of hours ago.
THE INTENSIVE CARE UNIT AND THE INITIAL PROGNOSIS
When I eventually arrived at the emergency room (ER), I stepped out of the car, and I meandered inside, clutching my stomach while bowing 90 degrees at the waist. I was understandably irritable and demanded immediate attention when I arrived at the admissions window. The nurse there gave me some forms to fill out and requested my proof of insurance. All of this took so long that I was starting to wonder if I would get the treatment I needed in time. I gave her my insurance card and continued to fill out the forms when I suddenly had to bolt across the room to the restroom to vomit once again. I reasoned that if I had food poisoning, I should be getting better by now because I was emptying my stomach, but this certainly was not the case.
Now sensing that I was acutely ill, the ER nurses immediately came into the waiting area with a wheelchair and drove me into an examining room. Then, a very young man came in and examined me and pressed on my stomach. He looked like a high school student, and I remember thinking, this certainly can not be my doctor. But as it turned out, he was the intern on duty, and yes, he was the doctor who performed the preliminary examination. He had the nurse take blood samples, and as I waited for the results, the pain grew steadily worse.
The young doctor returned an hour or so later and informed me that he had reached a very unusual diagnosis. As a result, he had requested the assistance of a resident doctor for validation. Thirty minutes later, the resident doctor came in to examine me, and after reviewing all the data, he told me that he concurred with the intern’s diagnosis. However, he would also require a review and validation by the hospitals top doctor. I asked about what my infirmity might be, but he was unwilling to tell me anything about his diagnosis. Things were becoming scary. What could be so bad that it needed this level of consideration and secrecy?
So I waited in pain as the head physician drove in from home. When he arrived, I received my third examination, and after a lot of deliberation, they all agreed that I was suffering from a malfunctioning pancreas.
They transferred me to an intensive care unit and gave me morphine for the pain, which had now spread throughout my entire body. It felt like I had needles and pins implanted in every square millimeter of my flesh. The discomfort was so great that certain parts of my body were now starting to go numb. Although I did not know it at the time, the doctors had already advised my immediate family that they did not expect me to live through the night and that they should call any distant family members who might want to see me before I died.
The initial shots of morphine proved ineffective, so they gave me several additional doses, but these didn’t help either. Eventually, a nurse connected me to a morphine injector pump that allowed me to regulate my medication level by merely pushing a button. Interestingly, all this morphine never made the pain completely go away. It just got me into a mindset where I didn’t care about the pain anymore. I remember thinking at one point when my stomach pain intensified, oh well, so what!
The doctors never communicated that they had done all they could do, that there is no cure or medication to address the pancreas condition I had. They planned to shut down my digestive system by discontinuing my food intake and hoped I would pull through. They never inform me of the gravity of my ailment. But this turned out to be a good thing because, through this entire ordeal, I always believed that I would recover.
I remember the nurse shutting the curtains in my ICU room and turning out the lights as she left. I laid there for a while, just staring up at the ceiling while wondering what my fate might be. Eventually, I became groggy and drifted off to sleep.
LEAVING MY BODY
While unconscious, I had an out-of-body experience in which I found myself seated in a transparent spaceship, hovering in the blackness of space with the radiance of billions of stars all around. I knew that I was sitting on a solid surface because I could feel my bottom and crossed legs touching it. Mysteriously, I also knew that I had a transparent dome above me, shielding me from the environment while also allowing me to see in every direction.
Once again, I was receiving information pertinent to my circumstance. I suddenly knew I had left my body and was about to travel through space and time. I soon noticed the first sensation of movement. Slowly forward at first and then gradually accelerating. I then began to hear voices, bits of peoples conversations that I was passing by. One statement after another in succession, as if I were slowly driving a car past an unbroken line of people engaged in dialogue.
Initially, I could hear complete sentences, but as my ship accelerated, the words also came in quicker, were higher-pitched, and less recognizable. Soon, there were very few recognizable words, and eventually, there were none. They sounded like a 33 RPM record played at a 78 RPM speed. Then, as the acceleration advanced, the sound transformed into something like Morse code and soon into the squelch of an old-time radio when someone quickly turns the tuner across a wide range of stations. I felt that my ship was traveling through time and that I was passing by the voices of my life’s future conversations. I had a feeling that they were the voices of a future that I was not going to have. Suddenly these sounds just stopped. I thought that I would have had a very long life if I had lived.
With the sounds of voices now behind me, I focused on trying to identify my location. At first, all I could see were the stars and the blackness of space all around me. I soon noticed, however, that I was zigzagging back and forth through space. The ship was advancing in S-shaped curves, like a snake, first veering to the left, then curving around to the right. Back and forth, I went while maintaining one precise heading forward. I was moving ahead in the form of a sine wave.
SPIRITUAL GOLGOTHA
I proceeded to look around as I progressed through space, and I noticed an object ahead that was slightly larger than all the others in the endless sea of stars ahead. As I advanced, I saw that its shape was different from the other stars. For one thing, it was not spherical, and yet I couldn’t quite make out what it was.
Abruptly, a strange repugnant stench came into the craft. It was faint at first, and I found myself sniffing to identify it. But when the full strength of that putrifying odor fell on me like a giant wave crashing onto the shore, it choked and sickened me. I was the horrid stench of decaying human flesh, the odor of death, and it repulsed me.
I then began to hear a faint melodic sound that I could not identify. I noticed, however, that the volume was increasing as I neared the unidentified object before me. A chill ran through me when I recognized that the sound was the voices of millions of souls, simultaneously wailing in torment and despair. It was this perpetual melody of misery that evoked in me a very depressing and gut-wrenching feeling.
I glanced up to check my heading and observed that I was nearing the now much larger-looking white object in space. I also noticed that my s-curves appeared larger. I determined that I was moving directly toward this irregularly shaped object and that both the putrified stench and wailing sounds were emanating from within it. I soon saw what I wish I had not, a gigantic, human skull suspended in space without a body. It had bits of muscle and hair in various places, but, in general, it was severely deteriorated and decayed. Much of its skin was gone, exposing underlying muscle, ligament, and bone. Most areas were missing the muscle and ligaments, revealing only the bony structure. The jaw had seriously degenerated except for a few teeth and exposed jawbone that projected an evil smirk. The right eyeball was missing, and it was from this open cavity that the stench and the wailing sounds emerged.
The closer I came to this skull of death, the more I became in awe of its enormous size. My sine wave flight path now swung me from one edge of the object to the other, and before I knew it, all I could see before me was the skull. Yet, I proceeded onward, and soon all I could see was the open eye socket before me. I then realized my total insignificance relative to the massiveness of this object. Nevertheless, I extended my approach, now entering the empty eye socket, and watched as it engulfed me. Once inside, I got a close-up view of the remnants of ligaments and muscles inside the eye socket. Yet, I proceeded, now moving into total darkness, eventually passing through an invisible passageway. It appeared that my journey was over for now, and I wondered what might lie ahead.
THE LAKE OF FIRE AND BRIMSTONE
I soon found myself swimming in a phosphorescent yellow-orange plasma with millions of other lost souls. The plasma delivered a punishing heat and immense pressure on everything there. I thought that these conditions must be like our suns fusion, where enormous gravitational forces cause extreme heat and pressure.
The heat agonizingly stung and scorched my skin, and the weight of the plasma felt like a million atmospheres of pressure, squeezing everything right out of me. The other souls there looked similar to white tadpoles, as they swam wailing in agony through the hot orange ooze, the scorch of the heat, and the pressure of the plasma driving them into madness.
Every soul there was continuously enduring the horror, sorrow, pain, and misery they had inflicted on others. More than that, they were experiencing them precisely as their victims had at the time. All of this emotion was broadcasted into the plasma and was simultaneously experienced by every other soul there. The compounded effect of these simultaneous sorrows would seem unbearable, but they had no alternative but to live in eternal torment, a torment that drove them into enraged madness. As a result, they darted back and forth like pollywogs in a heated chemistry beaker, frantic for an escape without hope or rest, searching continuously for relief without end, wailing in despair.
I discerned that there was no escape from the Lake of Fire and Brimstone, but somehow I was mysteriously transferred out of this place and instantly relocated to a large searing hot cave.
HELL
The sculptured rock surfaces are blackened from scorching and glowed red in various spots. The walls also contained many large fissures that periodically opened to release fire and a repulsive sulfuric smelling steam. I guessed that these conditions must be like those in the middle of the earth. When I looked around and noticed that I was alone, I started walking down a passageway, through the flames and the steam, looking for a way out.
THE BEAST
Suddenly, a giant beast magically emerged in front of me, blocking my way. This offensive looking ten-foot-tall monster had a frame comparable to that of a husky man. Its large arms and legs were thicker than my torso, and its muscles bulged like those of a world-class bodybuilder. Its skin was predominantly darkish brown with hints of black splashed in, and its surface resembled scorched leather, tempered in the fire of this place. This leathered skin had sharp thorns of various sizes, all across its body, and the larger thorns even had smaller thorns on them. These rose-like thorns had to be an exceptional weapon as anyone who engaged this monster in battle would be cut to shreds.
I stared at the face of the beast, and as its red eyes glared back at me, I felt its immense contempt for me. Its head sloped backward like the head of a Raptor, and I knew that this beast was the master of this place and that there was no way for me to defeat it; at least not here where it rules. We stood there, glaring at each other for a while, and once again, I felt the great loathing and hatred it had toward me. It hated me with a prejudice that I had never imagined, with perfect malice. I knew that it found me revolting, disgusting, and even repulsive. There are no words that can adequately convey the depth and completeness of its hostility toward me.
Realizing the gravity of the situation, I attempted to run, but my feet stuck to the floor, and I could not lift them. The beast then made numerous thrashing motions at me, swinging its arms at me, but luckily its feet stuck to the ground as well. This realization was a good thing because I understood that it would rule over me in the halls of hell if ever released. I also knew that it would torture me, obtaining sadistic pleasure in my suffering. All of these things, I somehow knew as if someone had inserted knowledge directly into my brain. I felt it all with powerful emotion. But, the beast’s restraints held, and then, as before, I was instantly transported to yet another place.
THE GRAY PLACE AND JUDGMENT DAY
I found myself in a tranquil fog, one that mysteriously had no misty dampness. I looked all around but saw only the greyness that engulfed me. I pondered on my recent rendezvous and felt fortunate to be in a place as peaceful and calming as this one.
All of this suddenly changed as I started to re-experience the sins of my life much more vividly than when I lived them. Interestingly, I was also experiencing the feelings, emotions and perceptions of the people I had sinned against as well. I felt what the people I had harmed felt, and it humbled me. These interactions transpired instantaneously. Instead of taking hours, days, months, or even years, I re-experienced them all at the same instant.
Suddenly all of this ended, and I heard a voice that came from beyond the fog. It was a mature comforting voice, one that projected love. It emitted confidence that drew me toward it. It was firm and yet unintimidating. It had a perfect tempo. Its strength, language, and pronunciation were precise, yet the voice conveyed a sense of caring and concern. I perceived all this from just the four incredible words the voice spoke.
I thought, how could I decern all of this with just four words? After all, it was only a straightforward question, yet one so profound that it cut me to my heart. It had taken me by surprise and hit home like a sledgehammer. “Why should you live?” is all the voice spoke without expression of judgment or anger. It left no clue revealing what a satisfactory answer might be either, and the fog kept me from observing the source, so I had no visual clues to help.
Eventually, I got over being intrigued by the voice as the ramifications of the question overwhelmed me. I had realized that my answer would determine my fate. I thought that there had to be a correct answer, one that would make a difference. If not, why ask it? Frantically, I started to search for reasons to justify my poor conduct.
While I was doing this, another insight came to me from out of the blue, and it rocked me. There were no lies in this place, only truth. Lies do not exist here because the one who asks the questions knows the truth. Everyone here knows the truth.
Soon another truth hit me. The inquiry pertained to more than just mortal life and death on earth. It was a question relating to life forever, either in paradise or in the Lake of Fire and Brimstone, the second death. Then I thought, but, how can I know this because I never heard of the second death before. I began to understand the significance and gravity of the question and the consequences of my answer. Death forever! Agony, torture, and suffering for eternity in the Lake of Fire and Brimstone. Unending torment at the hand of Satan. Then that “oh, no” feeling came over me in a deluge, a sensation you get when your actions severely hurt someone.
I heard a commotion coming from somewhere beyond the voice, and then a second voice said, “What about good works?” Then, I heard more rustling and commotion that must have been several souls searching for good works. Soon the disorder stopped, and a third voice said, “There are none.” I stood there dumbfounded and thought, how can this be since I have certainly performed good works? Then another truth followed. Even the good deeds I had accomplished were for the wrong reasons.
I knew the focus was back on me, and I was desperate to find an answer. I had to come up with something. At first, I blamed others and waited for a reply, but received only silence. Then, I realized that I should not blame others for my poor choices, so I gave in and told God that I would change and asked Him for help.
That was the last thing I recollect about being in that place because I awoke in the Intensive Care Unit the next morning. I had lived through the night by the mercy of God. Yes, someone had been watching out for me again. Someone had saved me from the greatest misfortune of all. You would think that this time there would be no mistaking who was watching out for me, but regrettably, I was still blind. I saw all of this as one terrifying dream and moved on.
SIGNIFICANCE TO THE VISION
This chapter reveals the devil’s evil desire for us to fall from God’s grace, just as he did. He wants us to serve him by tempting us to do evil against humanity because it is against God’s will. He wants us to go to hell where he can rule over us. He wants us to suffer with him in Pit of Fire and Brimstone for a thousand years, where we will experience the suffering of all the evil that he did to the people of earth.
The ministry of Jesus Christ is a ministry of spiritual warfare where we cast out the evil around us. Jesus came to save us from the consequences of the devil’s activity here on earth. Jesus came so that everyone who believes in Him will have a life with Him forever in paradise. He desires that we love one another as He loved us. God demonstrated this love to us when He healed the sick, cast out demons, fed the hungry, told us about the Father, died on the cross for our sins, rose from the dead, defeated all evil, and ascended into heaven where He is our advocate with the Father. These things are the heart of the vision—that we become like Jesus and do the things that He did. We do this by entering into a life of spiritual warfare and victory over evil.
I certainly did not understand any of this at the time I experienced them that day long ago. I know now that what happened that day was not just a bad dream. I know because scripture validates it all.
I will now present Chapter 3: Points for Reflection so that you may also know that all of these things are true as well.
SEEKING JESUS 